I was but a child bride at the age of 18 and Danny had just turned 22 the day before. By today's standards we never should have made it, but we have, and we will continue to because we have a deep commitment to each other and to making it work no matter what.
I can tell you our marriage has not been easy. When we got married I was in college, Danny had just started a new job and we were very, very young. Although chronologically I was quite young, I have always "felt" older than I was and the idea of waiting until I graduated college to get married was just not an option. I can remember going to class and listening to my classmates talk about the party they were going to that weekend, or where they would spend Spring Break, and there I was going home to cook dinner and do the laundry. I do not feel as though I missed out though, I felt like I had so much more than my peers. I had a supportive husband, I did not have to worry about dating and breaking up and wondering if "he liked me" or any such drama. I loved the feeling of being settled. Also, when I walked across that stage to get my college degree, it felt like so much more an an accomplishment than that of my fellow graduates. I had stayed married, worked almost full time, AND finished my degree. We definitely had some really tough times in the beginning. Year 5 was especially hard and we had some big time arguments and many other couples would have probably gotten divorced, but when you go into the marriage knowing divorce is NOT an option, you either work it out, or you spend your life not speaking to each other and what kind of life is that?
We went through (and continue to go through) infertility. We actually started trying to get pregnant two years into our marriage. I spoke about my infertility at length in a previous post so I won't go into it detail again, but I will speak about what it has taught me specifically about marriage. Children are added TO a marriage, they are not the REASON TO get married. I see so many marriages that solely revolve around the kids, spouses come second. My friends think I am crazy when I say that your spouse should come before your kids. Somehow they think that means that you love your kids less, I think putting your spouse first shows MORE love toward your children. I KNEW I came second in my household, but I felt SO safe and secure in my home knowing how much my parents loved each other. I see infertility ruin so many marriages and it just makes me think those couples got married just to procreate. I married Danny 15 years ago because I wanted to spend my life with him. Whether or not we have children is of no consequence. Of course I will be disappointed if we never have kids, but I will not let it ruin my happiness or ruin my marriage.
We went to the Georgia Renaissance Festival last weekend to celebrate our anniversary. First, if you have never been and are anywhere close to the Atlanta, Georgia area, I highly recommend you go, it is a great time! Friday night we went to the indoor pool and hot tub at the hotel and were so relaxed. We laid down in bed and turned on the TV to see that the Boston bomber had been captured. We sat for an hour and watched as the crowd applauded the law enforcement officials as they left Watertown. We talked about how the victims' lives were going to change. I can empathize the victims who had limbs amputated and are going to have to learn how to walk again, or how to dress themselves, eat, drive a car, and any number of other daily activities. I wondered aloud how the families would deal with it. I was lucky in that when I came home from the hospital I was able to come live with my parents so they could take care of me. This took some of the burden off of Danny and he could continue to work and take care of the cats at home. What if these families do not have people that can help take care of these victims. What if the spouses have to stop working to care for their loved one...what happens with the kids? What will they do for money if no one is working? These things probably would have never gone through my mind before my situation happened to me, but it did now. These marriages will either thrive, or they will crumble, I hope it is the former.
I know that Danny and I will continue to have hard times and I especially look forward to being back home and everything being "normal" again, no matter what happens I know we will make it through it. He is my best friend, the one person I want to talk to more than anyone else, the person I have the most fun with, the person I miss the most, and the person with whom I can most be myself. 15 years is just a short amount of time really in the life of our marriage. I hope we have 35 more and I know we have the stuff to get to 50 years, Lord willing. We may or may not have children, and that is okay. I may walk with a limp forever and need him to help me more than I would have before, and that is okay too. The point is we know it is one man and one wife for life, there is no debating that so whatever comes our way we will get through it, and not just because we HAVE to, but because we WANT to.
